But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
