I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
