I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
