I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
