Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
