next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
