I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
