I puked a lego.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
