We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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