i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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