Porn is love you can see.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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