She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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