I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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