so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
