i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
