Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
