My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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