Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
