If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
