I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
