I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
