so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
