If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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