I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
