Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
