He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
