porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
