I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jerry, you need to find god
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize