My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
