i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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