exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
