I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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