I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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