found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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