Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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