he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
