I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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