Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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