he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize