i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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