Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
