...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
