This is not my ceiling
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
