I cut my penus on the lid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
