Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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