Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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