I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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