my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
