she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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