I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
