from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
