things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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