I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drake has all the answers
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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