the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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