This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
