My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
