i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
