if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
