with your own penis?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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