He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
be right there i have to get my cape
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
