I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
