my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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