Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
