Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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