watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We are all done wearing pants today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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