how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
