If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
