I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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