note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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